I want to be the guy in the tournament fight who shares a moment sheer poetry with his opponent, who shows such grace and polished skill that the crowd gasps and the young men weep tears of frustration because they haven't learned to fight like that yet, and they WANT it. I know those tears.
I want to be the guy who everyone refers the new fighters to, because they know I'll help them see how to pursue excellence while having fun in our game. I've been having more than my share of that fun for nearly 30 years now, and I love to share it.
I want to be the guy that is so immersed in the literature and the culture of Chivalry that I can find the right way to share the ideas and ideals with others while sitting around the campfire or doing chores or hiking back from the res. point, and get to see the light in their eyes when they GET it. I have been dazzled by that light.
And if, someday, the Body of Honor in my chosen game and my chosen Kingdom should find me worthy to be their brother, and my King should ask me to serve as one of his personal warband, his comitatus, his hetairoi, his knights, then I would gladly accept. Not because I want the belt, but because I want to be a part of that company, and because the accolade is a significant milestone along the path towards being that guy who I want to be.
But beyond all of that, outside of all reason and logic, the heart wants what it wants. I have wanted to be a knight for as long as I can remember, and I will go on wanting it and studying it and striving towards it while I have breath.